


Better To Have Loved (Than Not At All)

by j_gabrielle



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Angst, Community: pacificrimkink, Feels, Fluff, M/M, Post-Movie, Pre-Movie, Romance, canon character death, my apologies for the tenses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-18
Updated: 2013-07-18
Packaged: 2017-12-20 14:05:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/888135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_gabrielle/pseuds/j_gabrielle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the kink meme prompt: <a href="http://pacificrimkink.livejournal.com/350.html?thread=120158#t120158">Tendo/Yancy; the unsung ballad of a jaeger pilot and his chief tech officer, to the tune of whiskey and cigarettes. please?</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Better To Have Loved (Than Not At All)

**Author's Note:**

> I did not read the tie-in comic, although I really want to. So if anyone reading this has already read it, and is ever so kind to correct the discrepancies, please do. I left many of the details a little vague.
> 
> Also, Tacroy, I hope you're happy with this.

The first time Tendo meets Yancy Becket, he is carrying a tall stack of files for the Marshall and not looking at where he is going. As such, the subsequent crash and snowfall of paper should not be a surprise to anyone.

“Shit! God, I’m sorry!” Tendo hisses, kneeling and grabbing at the documents nearest to him. In the corner of his eye, he sees the man he has just run into crouch and begins to help him. “Sorry…” He murmurs, rubbing a hand over his face, sighing a little shakily.

“It’s okay, really.” The other man says; his voice warm and laughing as the words fill the air around him. “No harm, no foul. That’s what my dad used to say.” Tendo looks up just in time to see him shrug, untidy blonde hair falling over his eyes as he moves around to gather the wayward pieces of print out that no one really reads anymore except for the Marshall, and that is only because the man is scarily weird like that.

Tendo frowns, feeling tongued tied at the sight of the man in his uniform. “Are you new? I’ve never seen you before.”

The man stands slowly, shuffling the papers in his hands. Tendo follows suit, taking the paper from him with a quiet ‘Thanks’. “I just passed my exams.” He says, tilting his head slightly.

“Yancy!”

The man turns, jerking his head at his friend down the corridor. “I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you around okay?”

Tendo barely remembers nodding as he watches the man called Yancy bound to his comrade, unsure at what had just happen.

* * *

 

 

The second, third and fourth times happen in a blur of faces and camaraderie, and in the interim Tendo meets Raleigh, helps the brothers through their first simulations, grows closer to Yance (“Please don’t call me Yancy, I don’t know what my parents were thinking”). It’s almost as if they were friends…

Shaking his head, he scoffs at the notion. Yance is pretty popular with everyone he meets; his easy-going attitude, the bright smile he bestows on everyone, the hints of self-deprecation in the way he talks. Tendo knows that Yance is aware of his looks, and the fact that him being a Jaeger pilot in-training only adds to his appeal, makes Tendo wonder about when Yance will finally get a girl.

“Those idiots…” The Marshall stalks into his office, announcing his sudden arrival by slamming his hand against his desk. Tendo turns from where he is tinkering with a mech programme, alarmed by the frustration in Pentecost’s voice.

“Sir?” Tendo tries, watching the older man carefully.

He catches the twitch of a vein in Pentecost’s temple. “Those Becket boys, you know them well?”

“Well, enough. What’s this about, sir? They just got back from their off time, didn’t they?”

Pentecost sits back down on his chair, dark eyes regarding him. “They got into a fight over a girl. I just…” He sighs heavily. “Am I making the right decision? Should I have had followed protocol and kicked them out of the programme?”

For a moment, Tendo envisions a life without Yance; without his friendly slaps on the back, the way the laughs at the silliest things, the clear protective affection he feels for his little brother. He wonders how it would be without Yance to sit next to during meals, without someone to gripe to about the messed up codes he has just been given from the tech division.

“I-I can’t say for sure, sir.” Tendo says when it becomes clear that a response is required of him.

Pentecost remains silent, and it feels as if he is being judged and analysed. Rising to his feet gracefully, he smoothes a hand down the front of his coat. “Naomi.” He says suddenly.

“I’m sorry?”

“Her name was Naomi. The girl that the Becket boys were fighting about. Her name was Naomi.” He huffs, “Idiots couldn’t even see that she was groupie.” Pentecost nods once in his direction, turning smartly on his heel to leave.

Tendo resolutely buries the reedy voice in the back of his head that croons his jealousy.

* * *

 

In a cliché romantic comedy (or was it tragedy) sort of way, the first time they fucked it was the result of a few too many beers. An awkward morning after, and Tendo makes a valiant effort in avoiding the man.

It would have been a roaring success, had it not been for Raleigh cornering him and telling him that he hates it when Yance mopes, and then promptly shoves him in the direction of said brother standing in an empty hallway.

“Work it out.” Raleigh narrows his eyes, pointing alternately at both of them.

Tendo clenches his fist, hiding his eyes as he hears footsteps receding into the distance. “Guess my brother is playing matchmaker for us, huh?” Yance says softly.

“I guess.” Tendo bites his bottom lip. “Look Yance, can we just pretend it never happen and go back to the way we were before? I like… I like being your friend.” He finishes, grimacing at his choice of words.

In his clever mind, he runs a million different scenarios of what Yance’s reaction will be; he could go with the usual ‘yeah sure, consider it forgotten’, or he could just shrug and say “I like being your friend too”, and Tendo doesn’t really know which one will break his heart more. It isn’t as if he doesn’t know that he could pass easily for Steve Buschemi’s younger brother, that of all the people Yance could ever be with, he is by far the lowest on the scale of attractiveness.

Bracing himself, he wills himself not to run.

“What if I don’t want to forget? What if I want to remember?”

His head jerks up sharply at that, brown eyes wide with amazement as they meet blue ones. Yance stands his ground, blushing slightly. Slowly, he comes closer, as if approaching a spooked animal. “What if it’s all I can think about when I close my eyes?” Yance whispers, bringing his hand to grip at Tendo’s wrist. “What if from the first time I met you, all I ever wanted was to know how your lips felt against mine? Tendo, I like you too. But I want to be more than friends with you.”

Breathless, “Really?”

A warm, calloused hand cups his cheek, sliding down the side of his face to rest at the hint of tattoo peeking out over his shirt collar. “Yes, really.” Yance smiles, the expression causing his eyes to crinkle into half moons.

Leaning in, Yance presses their foreheads close. From this close, Tendo can smell the warm blanket of coffee, metal and grit on his skin and it makes him smile shyly. With their faces so near, Tendo can count the starlights in Yance’s eyes, map the freckles on his cheeks. “Can I?” Yance asks, waiting until Tendo nods before bringing their lips together in a kiss.

There is no fireworks, no trumpets, not even the sound of anything other than the rush of blood in his ear. But a warm coil of happiness settles deep in his gut, heavy and content.

Tendo takes a moment to think about what is happening here, and he has to gasp at the epiphany, hands sinking into the soft cotton feel of Yance’s shirt. “Do you mean that we could have been fucking this entire time if we’d just gotten our heads out of our asses?!”

Predictably, Yance burst into peals of laughter.

* * *

 

Their last day together saw them sitting on a ledge watching the technicians work on Gipsy Danger. They sit with their thighs pressed together, sharing a thermos of watered down hot chocolate and a cured salmon sandwich.

“You’re on call tomorrow, aren’t you?” Tendo asks, brushing his shoulder against Yance.

Yance grins, shoving back. “Yeah. Hopefully there won’t be any incidents, but don’t let Raleigh know I said that.” He adds conspiratorially. Suddenly, Tendo begins to wonder if Yeye would have approved of his choice in men.

Tendo chuckles, nestling himself to Yance’s side. In the cold of Alaska, it was always nice when you had someone to keep warm with. “Be careful okay? I won’t be able to say anything over the comms, so just… Be careful.”

“I always am.” His boyfriend (seriously, that one word makes him swoon happily like a 13 year-old girl) assures him, bringing an arm over his shoulders to pull him closer. They sit there looking up at Gipsy, watching the warm glow of her heart fill the cavern of the room. “Do you want to go back to your room?”

Thinking about it, Tendo shakes his head. “Nah. I want to sit here and watch her for a little while longer.” Feeling the smile before he actually sees it, he tilts his face upwards for a kiss, grinning. “I love you, Yancy Becket.” He says, slipping his palm into Yance’s.

“I know.” Yance answers easily, as if it were the fundamental truth about life itself.

Together, they sit in comfortable silence and Tendo offers up a quick prayer—the same one he says whenever Yance and Raleigh are on call.

_Keep them safe, old girl_

* * *

 

Tendo is watching the sun set when he feels a familiar presence flop down next to him. A whiskey flask is thrust his way, and he smiles before declining it.

“Does it feel weird? Drifting with Mako?” He asks, lifting his coat collar against the wind.

Raleigh does not answer immediately, and they sit there pressed together against the slight drizzle. “It’s… Strange? I suppose it should be weirder for Mako seeing as she’s getting the memories of two people. It needs some getting used to, but I think we’ll be fine.” He catches the soft smile on Raleigh’s face, and Tendo feels his heart stutter. Raleigh sees the look on his face, smile slipping away.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Tendo mutters, hugging himself miserably.

Raleigh sits up, frowning a little. “He loved you, you know? Yance really did love you.” He says after awhile. “Every time we went into the Drift and memories of you came up, it was always filled with so much love. I used to be jealous of him, that he got a chance to feel that emotion first hand, but then he would tell me that someday I’ll get a chance of my own. And when it does come, it’ll be worth the wait.” He pauses, catching his breath. “Tendo, I’m sorry.”

This surprises him, “Why?”

Raleigh ducks his head, turning his face to the glow of the dying light. “Because you lost someone you cared for that day too. And I’m sorry that I never got to tell you that when he… died. When he died, he was thinking of you.”

Tendo looks away, hiding his face in the shadows. Distantly he hears Raleigh beginning to speak again, “He knew what was happening to him.” His voice grew low and sombre. “He knew that he forgot to do this before he left…” Tendo feels a hand on his shoulder, pulling him around. A shaky hand settles on his jaw, and before he could process what was happening, Raleigh presses their lips together in a chaste kiss. “That was… That was from him.” He murmurs.

Tendo swallows against the rush of emotions welling up in him, understanding. They part, but not before Raleigh wraps his arms around Tendo to whisper into his ear. “Be happy, Tendo. He’d like that.”

Raleigh rises, walking back into the warmth of the Shatterdome. Tendo stays there, waiting until all light has disappeared from the horizon before he gets to his feet. “Thanks for bringing them back, old girl.” He says into the wind, smiling as he turns to enter the safety and warmth of the base.

 

 

[end.]

 

**Author's Note:**

> [Do you have a prompt you want me to fill directly? Drop it into my Tumblr askbox](http://randomingoftherandomness.tumblr.com/ask)


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